(Sorry, mejo zeeeryus mode nang konte…minsan lang naman…=P)

I remember this movie I chanced upon on TV a long time ago. I don’t know the title…I didn’t even finish the movie…just watched a bit of it. And in that bit that I watched, there was this girl (I think it was Holly Hunter but I’m not sure) and she was living alone. Her alone-ness was expressed so well in the scene…with her sitting alone, not doing anything….eating alone…her thoughts are said out loud in the movie…and she was thinking of this and that as she sat alone in her apartment. She was feeling so alone that she called for a male massage therapist. The male massage therapist came to her apartment and took off his pants. Ohhh…THAT kind of massage therapist.

I thought to myself, I don’t want to end up like that one day.

And yet, that’s exactly how I turned out years later…alone, in an apartment…well, I didn’t order a male massage therapist though. It was only recently that I discovered the ‘Tubero’ secret after all.

But this is not about that. I recently watched another film called “Stranger Than Fiction”. Again, it was about a man who was single and living alone…so alone that he counts his brush strokes when brushing his teeth and he lives out his day the same way everyday. Many films here center on being alone and sad. I don’t watch a lot of Filipino films but I don’t think we have a lot of sad movies. I remember watching movies with happy endings and dance numbers. Our favorites are Tito Vic and Joey and Dolphy. In the films, the characters are always surrounded by family and the ‘barkada’. Depressing movies in the Philippines may get critical acclaim…but don’t do well in the box office. We are happy-ending addicts. Does that reflect why we are a happier people?

Yes, yes, I know, happiness depends on each person’s decision to be happy. But I just wanted to explore why Filipinos here in America always say, “Mas masaya dun sa atin” (It’s happier there in our country), “Malungkot dito sa America” (It’s sad here in America)…and I even know Americans who have moved to the Philippines because they found that it really is happier there. A recent survey of the happiest countries even put the Philippines at number 17 while America is, I think, 23 or 27.

Living here for 5 months now, I think I understand more why people keep saying to me, “Malungkot dito sa America! Mas masaya sa Pilipinas!”

1. It’s a small, small world.

My original dream in high school was to go to UP for college. I did pass…but my mom got scared of sending me off to UP so she told me to enroll in Ateneo…even if the tuition would be hell. In my second year in Ateneo, I visited the UP campus. And I was just so glad that I didn’t go to UP. Why? Because UP is such a huuuuuge campus! So big that you have to take the Ikot-Toki jeeps! I liked it better that I was in a smaller campus because I could see my friends everyday even if they were from different courses. Just walking along the quad, I would find myself waving left and right at friends. I sometimes arrive at meetings late because on the way to the meeting, I bumped into several people and chatted a bit. If you had a crush on a guy, you could see him everyday at the caf or his tambayan (I would know because I was a stalker!).

It’s the same feeling being in Manila. You bump into friends at the mall…there are cool places where ‘everyone’ hangs out…it’s a small community and you don’t really feel alone. Here in the US, I have several friends….but don’t see them because they’re in different cities or different states! That means I have to fly there or be driven for hours there. When I step out here (I live in suburbia), all I see are houses…houses…houses. And no way for me to go anywhere fun because I can’t drive. In Manila, I could walk and be at a Starbucks in 5 minutes. I can commute to a mall or a bar. Oh and over here, Starbucks closes at around 10pm! There’s no tambayan in the suburbs at 2am! In the Philippines, we know everybody’s business. Over here, I don’t even know my neighbors…except for one lady who went up to me one day and asked me how my baby was. I said, “Huh?” She said, “Hindi ba ikaw yung buntis dati?” I said, “No, that was my sister!” She said, “Ahh…ikaw yung wala pang asawa!” Ahhh yes…thank you for pointing that out.

2. Bawal umehi dito. (I’m Pinoy and I’m used to doing things our way).
A couple months ago, my dad reluctantly took me to a Salon here at National City (where the Pinoys are). He considers the salon expensive and wanted to bring me to a barber or cut my hair himself. I said I was willing to pay for the salon. And so, off I went to this highly recommended Pinay stylist. I sat there…and she cut my hair. And then I paid her $18 plus tip. And left. So what’s my point here? Even if the cut was nice…I wasn’t happy. Why? Because they didn’t shampoo my hair, they didn’t massage me, they didn’t blowdry my hair after the cut and didn’t even brush away with baby powder all those little strands of hair that got left on my face and neck. For the price I paid, I could’ve gotten all those at Tony and Guy!

For those of us who were born and raised in the Philippines…and then went to America…there would be a period of adjusment wherein you realize that you are no longer in the Philippines… and you can no longer tip just your ‘barya’ here (tips are strictly enforced) or leave your junk on the fast food table or expect that there would be a ‘tabo’ in the ‘banyo’.

Yes, there are a lot of things better here and more convenient. But I’m just so used to the way things are in the Philippines. (And yes, over here I’m a promdi. And them Americans are not that patient with me. They sometimes get bitchy when I do something that they normally do…and I don’t know the SOP…they look at me like I’m stupid. I just want to tell them, “I’m prom da Pelepeyns! I’m FOB!”)

3. Tagalog anyone?
Yes, I can speak English very well (although I realized recently that I have an accent when I speak English….not as bad as the usual Pinoy accent…but I just don’t sound American at all). But my first language is still Tagalog. There are jokes and expressions we say in the Philippines that Americans won’t get (Like when I say, “Yuck feeling!” they don’t know that). We have expressions that have no equivalent in English. I just express myself better in tagalog or Taglish. One time, I wanted to say “Napipikon nako” in English. And I just couldn’t find the right way to say it while retaining the essence of how I feel. I ended up just saying “Uggghhhhh! Grrrrr!!!!! Ummmpppffff!” Even if I am considered good in English and I can converse well in English, I sometimes find myself just choosing to be quiet in one corner when there’s no one who speaks Tagalog.

4. Family
Filipinos are family-oriented. We live with our families until we’re married…or even when we’re married already. And no matter how frustrated we get with some family members, you gotta admit, there’s a sense of security that comes with knowing your family is around. In the Philippines, I started getting sick and feeling depressed only when I started living alone. I was always the happy kid when I had my family around despite how dysfunctional we were. When I was living with my sister after my parents left, we were always at each other’s throats. I would complain to my boyfriend then about how my sister was treating me. But when she got married and left…and I had o live in a condo alone…I immediately missed her. And everytime I stayed over at my brother’s or sister’s house, I’d always feel better no matter what was wrong in the other areas of my life (career or love life). Here in the US, I am living with my dad and stepmom. And even if it is quite sad being away from the Philippines, I still feel a sense of security being around parents again. Family is what you can count on all the time. Family are the people who stick with you no matter how fat or pimply you get. Family are the ones who stay with you even if every boyfriend you’ve had left you (amf! bitter!).

Here in the US though, I was told by my brother, “Oh, if you’re not out of the house by the age of 18, you’re a loser”. Oh my God…I’m 27….so that makes me a major loser! I went to a high school a couple weeks ago and the mom of a graduating student just said she was shipping her son off to Chicago for college and ‘no way he’s gonna be staying at home!’

5. Mababaw ang kaligayahan.
Give us a magic sing and we are happy. Let us go to the beer house after office hours to chillax and we are happy! It takes little to make us happy. Somehow, we’re not that stressed even if we have a ’stressful’ job. I went to Cebu one time and marvelled at how relaxed and laid back everyone was compared to Manila. And yet, if you compare Manila to here, we’re still more laid back. We like enjoying…even if it’s a week day. We like enjoying…even if there’s not much money to hold a debut party for our 18 year old daughter….Sige, kahit sa garahe nalang o sa basketball court, maka debut lang! That may be bad…but yeah, we’re enjoying…

6. Liberty and Chaos
Americans sacrificed some of their liberties for order. It is wonderful here…everything is orderly and there are rules that protect you (like you can’t just cross the street, you have o press a button and wait for the light). But my gosh…you can get sued for anything! If someone trips inside your store, you get sued! In the Philippines, that’s your ‘katangahan’ if you slip=P In our office in the Philippines, I can say green jokes all I want…I can say jologs jokes all I want…over here, you always have to be careful. You can be charged of sexual harrassment, racism, intolerance and what have you. In the Philippines, getting a license is easy…getting out of a traffic ticket is easy…under-the-table and ‘lagay’ can take care of everything. Over here, you gotta follow the rules. I don’t know which I’d rather have…on the one hand, i love all the order and safety…on the other hand, I have to be on my toes all the time.

7. Pasok kayo!
Now here’s the reason non-Filipinos fall in love with our country. Aside from our beautiful beaches, beautiful women, delicious mangoes etc., we are truly hospitable and welcoming. We treat foreigners like celebrities! We welcome them in our country…we treat them like special guests. Even Filipino-Americans who come home…they find great jobs as hosts or dj’s on the radio. Some people who were losers in their countries get treated like royalty in our country. (My brother has a nice looking white friend here who can’t get girls for some reason. I thought he was really cute. But my brother said he’s soooo ordinary here and that he was a loser. I said, “Well, tell him to go to the Philippines, he’s gonna be a heartthrob there!”). Those who can’t get girls in their own countries get draped with women in the Philippines. We just love ‘em foreigners don’t we? (this is both good and bad…as we have assimilated so much of other cultures that we are losing some of our good traditional traits)

I’ve always wondered when I was in grade school why we are taught in Sibika at Kultura that Filipinos are hospitable. Hospitable…what the heck…sounds like a strange thing to pick for a cultural trait. It is only now that I fully understand just how hospitable we are and that not all cultures are as hospitable. We are warm-hearted, welcoming people. When you drop by a typical Pinoy’s home, the first thing you’ll hear is “Pasok kayo, pasok, wag kayong mahiya, pasok…” (Come in, come in…) If the person is eating…no matter how poor the person is, he will invite you, “Kain!” (Eat!). I once walked into our pantry before in my previous job in Manila and happened upon the janitors eating with their hands from one communal plate filled with rice and a little tuyo. When they saw me, they all said, “Miss Sorsi, kain!” I laughed about it with my friend but at the same time, it was nice of them to offer even if they had so little….and they knew I made twice what they made and that I would probably be eating McDo that lunch. How courteous. And that’s the way we are too with our country…it seems like we just keep telling people, ‘Pasok kayo, pasok…sige, kain!”

***

The Philippines is home. And of course, Filipinos who leave will miss home. But so far, I’ve been talking to some younger immigrants and they have told me that it’s not true that you can’t be happy here. One Filipina mom said to me, “Hindi naman totoo yun na malungkot dito. Siyempre mamimiss mo ang Pilipinas kasi taga dun ka. Pero masaya rin naman dito. Depende nayun sayo kung ano nagpapasaya sayo.” (It’s not true that it’s sad here. Of course you’ll miss the Philippines because you’re from there>But it’s also happy here. It all depends on what makes you happy) Another immigrant I spoke to was from a younger batch in Ateneo. And she said to me that she also got sad and depressed at first because all her friends were in the Philippines. But when she finally went to visit after 5 years of staying in the US, she couldn’t wait to come back here (US) already. She said she forgot how hot it was in Manila. Also, she realized her friends have all moved on and changed…the closeness was gone (That I can understand. I mean, before I left, everyone said they’d keep in touch…and that they’ll miss me. But only a few really kept in touch=P And I’m sure many have forgotten about me already!).

My dad wishes that we would all (my family) be living here in the US one day. And at first, I was terribly scared and negative about it. I would miss the Philippines so much. Over there, I’m Sorsi…here, nobody knows me. I was afraid I was going to be one of those Filipinos who keep saying bitterly “Malungkot dito!” But then hey, I was born and raised in the Philippines…I lived there for 27 years…I AM a ‘Happy Pinoy’…I have it in me… and I bring that wherever I may be. Kahit saan man mapunta, kaibigan…Happy Pinoy parin tayo..diba?=P

This entry was posted on Friday, March 7th, 2008 at 1:38 am and is filed under Thoughts and Theories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.